


Perfect

by hopeforrain



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, crappy parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 09:57:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6324628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopeforrain/pseuds/hopeforrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seamus, his sexual orientation, and his mother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfect

It was the first weekend in July, before their fifth year. OWLs would be coming this year, but for now, Seamus and Dean were content just being together. They were currently sitting on the floor playing a game of exploding snap. 

“You know, I’ve always been impressed that this game even works for you,” Dean commented, watching the cards intensely.

“Shut it, Dean, you’re distracting me,” Seamus responded, not looking up. “Also, I don’t blow everything up.”

Ironically, it was at this moment that the deck decided to explode, causing Dean to burst into laughter.

“Shut it, Dean,” Seamus exclaimed again, but Dean was absolutely hysterical with no hope of being able to stop laughing. “Stop it! It’s not that funny!”

When Dean was unable to stop laughing, Seamus lunged forward and pinned him to the ground. “I’ll give you something to laugh about,” he said as he began to tickle Dean’s sides viciously. Dean thrashed on the floor for a moment and then got his hand to that one spot on Seamus’ armpit that he knew would win the battle for him. Seamus collapsed in laughter and Dean flipped them over.

Laughter subsided, and Seamus became distinctly aware of Dean’s body on top of his, Dean’s forearms flat on the ground on either side of his head. Seamus reached a hand up to touch Dean’s face.

The door opened, Seamus’ mother knocking on it as she entered. “Boys, it’s about time for–” She stopped abruptly as she saw them. The disapproval on her face was clear. “It’s time for dinner.” She left as quickly as she came in.

Dean rolled off of Seamus, who sat up at once. “Well,” Seamus said a bit uncomfortably. “We’d best go eat?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, we should probably… go do that… yeah…” He turned towards the door and they both walked down the hall, not quite together but not quite apart either.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Mam, Hogwarts letter just got here,” Seamus called as the tawny owl landed on the window sill. He untied the letter and went into the kitchen, saying, “We should probably go get my books soon. We’ve only a couple weeks before school starts.”

His mother put a loaf of bread in the oven and sat down at the table, gesturing for her youngest to join her. “Seamus, we need to talk about Hogwarts this year.”

“If this is about OWLs, I’ll do better this year, you know I will. My grades get better every year I have to practice controlling my magic.”

“It’s not about grades, Seamus,” she said, motioning again for him to sit down. Seamus sat and leaned his elbows on the table in front of him. “This is about going to Hogwarts in September.” She paused, seemingly evaluating how best to put what she wanted to say. “I don’t want you to go to Hogwarts this year.”

Seamus stared blankly for a moment. “Not go back? Why?”

His mother leaned towards him. “Frankly, I’m a bit concerned about the kinds of people you’re around at school.”

“What kinds of people?” Seamus demanded indignantly.

“Well, Harry Potter, for one thing, is highly unstable, and I’m concerned that he could do something irrational and dangerous this year.”

“Okay, Harry’s nuts, I barely spend time with him anyways. Next?”

“Dumbledore’s leadership is starting to look very shoddy.”

“He’s not going to do anything that will directly affect me. Anyone else?”

“Well, yes,” his mother said. “Frankly, Seamus, I’m a bit concerned about your relationship with Dean.”

“Dean? What’s wrong with my relationship with Dean?”

“Seamus, you should know that without me telling you. You remember how I found the two of you a few weeks ago.”

“Wait, you think that he and I are… you know… together?” Seamus stammered. “Because we’re not. He’s my best mate, we’re not…” Seamus trailed off into silence. He was ashamed of the fact that he didn’t want to say his relationship with Dean was nothing other than friendship. It was the truth, but he couldn’t say it.

“I think it would do you some good to spend a year or so away from him,” his mother said. “I think Beauxbatons would be good.”

“Beauxbatons?” Seamus exclaimed. “You want me to go to France?”

“It’s the best option.”

“No it’s not. I don’t even speak the language there!”

“What would you suggest?” she demanded.

“I would suggest letting me stay at my school. I would suggest that you trust me to deal with my relationships on my own. If you can’t do that, send me to the States. They at least speak English.”

“I’ll consider that,” she said as she stood to leave the room. When she was gone, Seamus realized that the edge of the table in front of him was smoking.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Seamus went down for breakfast a couple days later to see his mother sitting at the table again. She beckoned for him to join her, and he approached slowly.

“We’re going to Diagon Alley today,” she declared.

“Really?” Seamus asked, slightly incredulous. “You mean I’m going back to Hogwarts?”

Seamus’ mother pursed her lips. “You are aware of my disapproval of the relationships you choose to engage in. I trust that you will correct the problems I have pointed out.”

Seamus remained silent. How could he deny himself to please his mother? And how could he not?

 

~ ~ ~ 

 

As soon as he and his mother crossed onto the platform, he spotted Dean standing near the train. Being as tall as he was, he was quite easy to find in a crowd, and Seamus instinctively started to run towards him. Then he caught a glimpse of his mother frowning out of the corner of his eye, and slowed to a casual walk towards his best friend.

“Seamus!” Dean exclaimed when he saw Seamus. He wrapped the shorter boy in a giant hug, which Seamus pulled away from rather quickly. “How was your summer?” Dean asked him.

“Oh, I’ve had better. Had some trouble with my mam for a bit. She didn’t want me coming back to school, but I talked her around.” Seamus gave a large grin, and Dean smiled back.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Dean said, giving Seamus another hug.

_ Just a friend, _ Seamus thought.  _ He’s just a friend. _

 

~ ~ ~

 

Seamus was struggling. Several weeks of the school year had passed, and he was unable to do everything that would please his mother. He could avoid Harry quite easily, and Dumbledore was hardly a problem. But Dean…

Every time Dean smiled at him, his stomach twisted a little. Every time Dean gave him a hug, it was like fireworks. Every time they touched, he remembered that moment in his bedroom when they had almost kissed.

He was falling for Dean. And he couldn’t stop, no matter what his mother wanted.

 

~ ~ ~

 

_ Dear Mam, _

 

_ I know you don’t want to hear this. I know you expected more of me. You let me come back to school this year on the assumption that I would make you proud. I hope you will be proud of me even though I’m not what you want. _

_ I’m gay. I tried not to be. Believe me, I did. But I can’t help it. I’m gay. I have feelings for Dean. I don’t have any more explanation to give you. _

_ I’m sorry. I know this isn’t what you wanted. I hope you still love me. _

 

_ Love, _

_ Seamus _

 

~ ~ ~

 

_ Dear Seamus _

 

_ I must partially blame myself for this. I should have sent you abroad this year rather than letting you return to school. I was foolish for letting you make this choice, and I am disappointed that you have taken it this far. _

_ You know how your father and I feel about homosexuality. You know that it’s wrong. I can’t imagine why you have decided to be a homosexual, but I cannot support it. I have talked to your father, and he agrees.  _

_ Please do not come home until you have corrected your choices. _

 

_ Mam _

 

Seamus stared at the letter, in shock. He felt like he should be experiencing some sort of reaction. He should take advantage of the privacy of his dorm room to cry, scream, break things, set something on fire. Instead, he just felt numb.

He didn’t know how long he sat on the edge of his bed. All he knew was that at some point, Dean came in.

“Seamus? Are you in here?” Dean looked around the room and his eyes landed on Seamus. “Shay?” Seamus didn’t respond. “Shay, are you all right?”

Seamus looked up, surprised to see Dean there. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. I just got a letter from my mam telling me I’m not coming home for Christmas, that’s all,” he said in a flat voice that didn’t sound like his own.

“Shay?” Dean sat on the bed next to him. “Shay, would you tell me what’s really wrong? Because I know it’s more than not going home for Christmas.”

And that was when the tears broke free. Seamus hunched over with his head in his hands, his body shaking. “Oh, Shay,” Dean said softly, and wrapped his arms around Seamus, only making him cry harder. 

After several minutes, Seamus had calmed down enough to speak a little. “I sent a letter… to my mam…” He reached for his mother’s letter sitting on the bed beside him and pushed it against Dean’s hand. Dean read it and then pulled away from Seamus enough that he could see the smaller boy’s face.

“Shay?”

Seamus buried his face in Dean’s shirt again. “Don’t hate me, Dean. Please don’t hate me.”

Dean’s arms tightened around him. “Never. I’d never hate you. Never.”

“I’m gay,” Seamus mumbled. Waves of nausea came over him as he said those words for the first time. “Please don’t hate me,” he repeated.

“Why would I hate you for that?” Dean asked him, and the tears came back full force. “Seamus, that’s not a reason for me to hate you. I’m sorry that your mum was so shitty. But I do not hate you. You’re my best friend, and I love you.” Dean kissed the top of his head, and Seamus just sat and cried.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Seamus was avoiding talking about the night.  _ With good reason _ , he kept telling himself.  _ I wept like a baby and let Dean hold me like a baby too. How pathetic. _ However, he couldn’t ignore the topic forever. After a couple days, Dean wouldn’t let him.

They were on the couch in the common room, late at night. Seamus’ poor potions skills meant that he had a lot of studying to bring his grade up to standard, and Dean was drawing and keeping him company.

“Seamus?” Dean said out of the silence. Seamus looked up at him expectantly. “Can we talk about the other day?”

Seamus put his notes down. “I guess we kind of need to,” he admitted. “I’m sorry for breaking down like that. I really didn’t mean to put all that on you.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Dean said quickly. “I just wanted to know where that conversation leaves us.”

“It leaves me as a bloody wimp and you as my best friend. That’s all.”

“That’s all?” Dean looked slightly disappointed. “Okay, then,” and he turned back to his drawing. Seamus watched him draw for a moment, and then said, “Dean?”

“I’m bi,” Dean blurted out. Seamus just looked at him, shocked. “And I’m wondering if that changes where the other night leaves us?” Seamus was frozen, unable to speak. After an awkwardly long silence, Dean spoke again. “I was wondering if I did this–” he leaned in towards Seamus “–if you would tell me to stop.” Seamus shook his head. Dean placed a hand on his cheek. “And if I did this?” Seamus leaned his head into the contact, smiling a bit. Dean took his sketchbook and Seamus’ notes and set them on the floor. He placed his free hand around Seamus’ back and pulled him closer. “How’s this?” he asked softly.

Seamus couldn’t take this pace anymore. He wrapped one arm around Dean’s waist, placed his other hand on his neck, and pulled him down for a kiss.

As their lips met, Seamus knew that his mother was wrong. He knew that this, what he had with Dean, was the most beautiful thing in the world. The pressure against his mouth, his back, it was everything warm. The love Dean gave him, it was the air he breathed. Feeling their lips moving together, he knew that was the truth. This was what he needed most, Dean’s arms wrapped around him, the taste of Dean’s lips on his tongue. It was not wrong. It was perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, comments and kudos are much appreciated!


End file.
